Stolen Love!

peaceout, please?

 I did not know life was going to be so sour, grubby gravy laden and uninspiring. Covered with cobwebs and dust topped, horrifying, heart breaking, misleading, uninteresting and pebbled with agony and despair. Everybody is looking somebody but then again you fool, nobody is looking out for anybody. When you call out to someone its seems like you’re weak, looks like you a confounded foolish mess of a blob, you’re not even human. It is true that you really lose your virginity, when you lose your virginity? I don’t feel so. Dirt, mud, grim, poverty, malnutrition and rape, we have conquered, haven’t we? I write in false hope of, futile aspiration and broken dreams of seeing a more heart – “full” world. No am not, despaired about the fury and furor of the disoriented world. I am just plainly disillusioned by the illusions of the world itself.   

me.we.me.we.me.we. who?

the focus shifts and everything blurs. Then clears again. Then a blurry overcast background again.I miss being lonely amidst people and miss people around when  i am alone. As a grow up i grow more perverted. Though not exactly so, if you know what i mean. There is a routine which i love. I love taking notes. Cant autofocus my memory. Vision blurs. Need help. I have been dumb, careless and acid. all of which i thought i was incapable of being. Not very happy with what happened though. The jumpy me has died her carcass sometimes shivers in the cold and the baby inside the me's womb cries for milk. But i cant help them. I ran away to a daffodil field. There i see yellow merry bugs and slugs with cat heads, my head spins for carnal satisfaction while my body shies away. the blood is gone.

***

speaking words of wisdom, let it be, let it be..............!

these days radio the radio is my sole entertainer. am i a parasite? well just hope not. I cocooned way too early i presume. i have also fallen in love with menthol rush. fills the mouth with icy invisible foam. i want to travel and dream of a 'bor'. even a shabby , tattered old funny looking pair would. just provoke me enough so that i can burst open the plastic wall of shame and travel!  old friends seem to be bygone optimistic thoughts. alas... and i thought i was    A Super Girl with fluffy love powers. bleh!

if i had a butterfly , on my head, i'd call myself the bright green electric light . Dont ask me if am just a bulb or a long pensive tube or a environment friendly power saving gen y bulb either. am laid back so most prolly i wont be. but id still love chocolates, dream of becoming the best ballet dancer in the whole wide neverland and still pee a li'l bit when i sneezed very hard. whenever nowadays i sit to write i fear, fear of being seen , fear of being grabbed from behind, caught unawares . It never happens though. all is left is sticky mushy gooey feel of the dirt and sweat. it's sometimes that when i meet new people i search for new features. really! new sort of teeth, new wave in the mustache , new curves of the lips, new sink of the cheek when they smile or cry or make grumpy faces. They mostly dont like me, as i think i dont smile,talk and shout properly enough. i almost dont care enough anymore,although it would be damn nice if jamai liked me,i would smell his hair and tell him to make double bubble joints! 

She’s my best friend. He My lover. He says She has got eyes that could hypnotize an Arab so that he thinks himself to be an Eskimo. I never found them exceptionally beautiful though, or was I just jealous? Well I prefer the former option better. He laughs when I’m around but gleams when she is. He pulls me up close, sometimes wraps his arm around my tiny waist and keeps hanging in there. He knows I like it though. Sometimes it is nothing sexual. When he talks his eyes, words feel as if they bite at the lowest point of my brain where from my neck sprouts. He’s smart outspoken liberal yet chooses his words very carefully. I……hardly talk when he is around. Mostly I mouth my stuff in my mind and plan to tell him later but never happens. She talks like a sweet virgin spring just born out of mountain creak. She’s got a big filled head too if you know what I mean. When They talk converse, sometimes he forgets about me. Though I am the freaky popcorn here. He warms up just suddenly gleams cracks stupid jokes and pinches.( nothing from her side. She is as if a kitten and a cat,both,a mother and a baby.) I don’t feel bad but deluded cornered his shiny face furrows my brows. But he doesn’t know.he doesn’t want to know .He doesnt realize.he’s fat,no? I never look at them straight I look straight into the gap between them.ITS all black around me. It becomes very difficult to push through suddenly all the time and grasp the hands of the ticking clock tightly so that time cant be any different.And then it all stops .She hurriedly takes a taxi.It wooshes past me. Surprisingly one door still open. I look around and he’s limped much further ahead too far away for me to call him back.