Monday, November 29, 2010

these days radio the radio is my sole entertainer. am i a parasite? well just hope not. I cocooned way too early i presume. i have also fallen in love with menthol rush. fills the mouth with icy invisible foam. i want to travel and dream of a 'bor'. even a shabby , tattered old funny looking pair would. just provoke me enough so that i can burst open the plastic wall of shame and travel!  old friends seem to be bygone optimistic thoughts. alas... and i thought i was    A Super Girl with fluffy love powers. bleh!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

if i had a butterfly , on my head, i'd call myself the bright green electric light . Dont ask me if am just a bulb or a long pensive tube or a environment friendly power saving gen y bulb either. am laid back so most prolly i wont be. but id still love chocolates, dream of becoming the best ballet dancer in the whole wide neverland and still pee a li'l bit when i sneezed very hard. whenever nowadays i sit to write i fear, fear of being seen , fear of being grabbed from behind, caught unawares . It never happens though. all is left is sticky mushy gooey feel of the dirt and sweat. it's sometimes that when i meet new people i search for new features. really! new sort of teeth, new wave in the mustache , new curves of the lips, new sink of the cheek when they smile or cry or make grumpy faces. They mostly dont like me, as i think i dont smile,talk and shout properly enough. i almost dont care enough anymore,although it would be damn nice if jamai liked me,i would smell his hair and tell him to make double bubble joints! 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

She’s my best friend. He My lover. He says She has got eyes that could hypnotize an Arab so that he thinks himself to be an Eskimo. I never found them exceptionally beautiful though, or was I just jealous? Well I prefer the former option better. He laughs when I’m around but gleams when she is. He pulls me up close, sometimes wraps his arm around my tiny waist and keeps hanging in there. He knows I like it though. Sometimes it is nothing sexual. When he talks his eyes, words feel as if they bite at the lowest point of my brain where from my neck sprouts. He’s smart outspoken liberal yet chooses his words very carefully. I……hardly talk when he is around. Mostly I mouth my stuff in my mind and plan to tell him later but never happens. She talks like a sweet virgin spring just born out of mountain creak. She’s got a big filled head too if you know what I mean. When They talk converse, sometimes he forgets about me. Though I am the freaky popcorn here. He warms up just suddenly gleams cracks stupid jokes and pinches.( nothing from her side. She is as if a kitten and a cat,both,a mother and a baby.) I don’t feel bad but deluded cornered his shiny face furrows my brows. But he doesn’t know.he doesn’t want to know .He doesnt realize.he’s fat,no? I never look at them straight I look straight into the gap between them.ITS all black around me. It becomes very difficult to push through suddenly all the time and grasp the hands of the ticking clock tightly so that time cant be any different.And then it all stops .She hurriedly takes a taxi.It wooshes past me. Surprisingly one door still open. I look around and he’s limped much further ahead too far away for me to call him back.


Monday, October 25, 2010

on my birthday today,which i started celebrating from last night with gold flake,snickers and a small birthday pack, am now working for the first time. feels weird,or rather very odd well it's quite the same,both the things. still am working. and hoping to have rum at night.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Priya Part 11

The helpers or the care takers there kept banging open the cinema door surreptitiously in the middle of almost every other scene, and to add to that something common to all Indians people kept loudly talking into their cellphones ignoring the fact that a few present there were actually interested in the movie.And then it ended with a bang and everyone walked out most nonchalantly. i remembered how before, when we came for movies, after the final rites were completed and the movie ended with a flourish, people streamed out of the hall, the atmosphere abuzz with droning of how good or bad the movie was. Going to the movies, were back then not a daily ‘thingy’, a general unimportant two hour entertainment mode, it was a three hour sojourn we looked forward to. Back in that same hall after a matter of two to four years my heart pounded with sadness ...how time flies.......maybe Priya and Menoka wont even exist just like Globe after a matter of time,yet  i will always be glad  that i was a part of the carnival that hi lighted cinema, not it's glitzy exteriors .

Friday, October 22, 2010

zippie

god dammit..............my denim zipper flies down on it's own discretion! never bothers to maintain any decorum,just flies with uninhibited spunk and spirit,never bothering about my embarrassment a wee bit. also the mother, the denim rani itself never stays stuck on the posterior. It will glide and slide and visit Neverland whenever possible. I curse and cuss to the tilt but of no avail. And people say ,only robots  want to act on their free will!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Priya Part 1

I had gone to see Anjan Dutta’s  Byomkesh Bakshi with my parents to Priya, of late. In a jolt it brought back many memories, the discreet movie trips with friends in class 8 for our first hindi rom-com. The naive bubble-bursting excitement when the trailers started and the hall darkened finally, after lengthy minutes of waiting (we reached much earlier than required), buying packets of Lays and salted popcorn with extremely hard earned pocket money (ditching random candy and puchka cravings to save up) and sniffing into the hanky while the hero heartbroken, head hung low, walked down the doomed path of rejection away from the heroine’s house. Priya then, as well as Menoka and Globe or New Empire, by whichever name you remember it, was the cinema hub. Very obviously there were no multiplexes back then, no monumental structures on top of which perched the seven hall’ed movie pandemic tent with blobs of foodies, creamies and munchies’- courts surrounding it. It was like a huge family who came for a wholesome movie experience together, they laughed and cried harmoniously and threw air punches when the bloodied hero would take down 20-30 villainous side kicks all once with sheer power of his  jawani and deewangi ki aag. The first time also glistened in my mind, when after stepping into the last school years, we walked into Menoka hand in hand with our respective first boyfriends ,on a double date. Back then it was still more about the movie than us. But having visited the senile Priya after a decade i was needless to say, very saddened. Most of the hall was in a state of comfortable, decided disarray. The floor of the hall was littered in a utterly organised with empty packets of chips,bits of pocorn pepsi sprayed in small puddles,

byom bhol'e

every night when i go to sleep....the wee pillow winky pats on my head and gives me orange'ish nightmares...children crying,men dying.........people not having enough to eat...deluge,famine,floods,earthquakes,wars,pre-meditated state level skirmishes..........household squabbles.....but sometimes he spares me the wondorous horrors..........he makes me dream of me as an ace 29player,a 1footed international ballet dancer.....and me having a poetry,drama major guitarist hunk of a boyfriend.........and a docile household.............hmmmmmm....i dream on....and the lord shiva asks.....who are you.where have you come from.and where are you going?.........

Friday, October 1, 2010

walk......

that day i took a long undecided walk round round round sector V in a very pensive mood. though i was leaking and troubled it didnt matter. aimless greatly, as i was i was beginning to enjoy the nonsensical joyride. But then it struck me again. Something happened that day that made me realise i wasnt so special after all. I wasnt born with an acute sense of intuition and gut feeling and god had really forgotten to sprinkle fairy dust on me when i was born and lastly and sadly of all that i was pretty common. The heat slowly then sneaked onto me from behind the nape of my neck making me feel acutely uncomfortable.