EVERY WEDNESDAY, I KILL PART I

the ash fell in a disdainful way...she looked up into the stark yellow light of the cheap bulb hanging overhead. she swept the ash stains across the table n reached out again for the sodden coffee cup. three months pregnant. broke. hormones at a wreck. chocolate craving. almost roofless. a dark dark very dark room. a sparrow twittered at the window sill. cussing at it, she swept her arms across the room knifing the air consequently scaring it away. grubby dirty hair, white tee ,she swept her oily hand across her breast, leaving a mark. brows crossed ever so fiercely she peered into the newspaper, JOBS page. Looked as if she would kill it just by looking. "aaaarrggghh" - she threw away the page in utter disgust,  swept the back of her hand across her cracked lips and dragged her weary body across the room into a stinking bathroom.  Thumping her ass down on the toilet set she snatched a tattered 2003 paperback edition of Murakami - Norwegian wood from a broken wooden rack beside the fluffy pink woolen toilet seat cover. Left over touches from extravagant bygone days. Few seconds ticked by, she pushed the book back inside n completed her morning 'kriya' and almost in an involuntary way leapt out of the bathroom. She looked around in the half light...

what is love, lust and happiness? dont ask, i wont be able to tell you! i see hungry glassy empty hollow yet hopeful yet dead eyes, yellow vomit on the roadside corner, thrown away bits of rotten food, grubby hands scraping amongst those obscure bits and pieces! i see elbows up gentlemen, breasty lady ahoy! i see pushing, shoveling, grumbling, stealing, accusing, shouting, back stabbing, blaming, fumbling, whoring and cussing! The world is a brilliant blue green jean colour and it silently and peacefully goes round and round and round...........WE tumble grumble mumble to hell sordid enough to make flowers wither away. I wish we could live life the Dr. Seuss way! Up up Up and away!!!!

My father!

he is a fine fellow,
oh how i wish i could say so,
The tree is so-a-so hollow,
no,no,no,it cant be that low...

A dreamer, a lover, an enthusiast, a naxalite, a horny intellectual, a bleeding heart forlorn worried frenzied father, just these adjectives? No, nO, much more. A painter, a poet, a sexist, an intelligent, gentle man. A lonely, broken monster.....who thrives on the blood of waste materials and on the pernicious waters from the crevasses of the dead caves located near the end of the world. A man who gave his everything for his family and got back nothing. A man who tried when Odysseus gave up on Ithaca, a man who fought so hard he could have made Spartacus hang his head in shame.
No man ever lost like that, a glorious loser. A loser who understands what it feels to achieve, win, grab success by it's groin and grind it into power, anarchy and stability. If i had enough balls ( sadly i have none) i would have made a museum on his name, and howled out to the world to let everybody know, how god like he is really, how horrible, heartless, dominating he is and how gentle, thoughtful and artistic he is. I wish him, silently, from my ivory tower, all the best and say, Father, "salute"!