Love Trilogies. PART III. Again........you

You…you were a fire cracker and I the single matchstick. The flame, fire and the wretched desire. It brought me tumbling down, leaving scratches, bruises and the deepest gash which will never heal forever. I lie on the ground with my head and heart mangled. I want to run like the silent, invisible bout of wind touching you everywhere, leaving a red stone in your heart. A part of me in a part of you. It will burn deep with a glow if m happy and burst into a thousand shattered itsy bitsy pieces inside your heart. Then I’d stand and see the blood flow, your blood. Then, I’d like to taste it. Touch, it and embrace it in my womb n let in seep in deep. I want you, and noone else, never. Not even if you don’t want that. I don’t care any more.

Love Trilogies. PART II. she........and he.

She’s my best friend. He My lover. He says She has got eyes that could hypnotize an Arab so that he thinks himself to be an Eskimo. I never found them exceptionally beautiful though, or was I just jealous? Well I prefer the former option better. He laughs when I’m around but gleams when she is. He pulls me up close, sometimes wraps his arm around my tiny waist and keeps hanging in there. He knows I like it though. Sometimes it is nothing sexual. When he talks his eyes, words feel as if they bite at the lowest point of my brain where from my neck sprouts. He’s smart outspoken liberal yet chooses his words very carefully. I……hardly talk when he is around. Mostly I mouth my stuff in my mind and plan to tell him later but never happens. She talks like a sweet virgin spring just born out of a mountain creak. She’s got a big filled head too if you know what I mean. When they talk, converse, sometimes he forgets about me. Though I am the freaky popcorn here. He warms up just suddenly gleams cracks stupid jokes and pinches.( nothing from her side. She is as if a kitten and a cat, both, a mother and a baby.) I don’t feel bad but deluded cornered his shiny face furrows my brows. But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to know .He doesn’t realize. He’s fat, no? I never look at them straight I look straight into the gap between them. IT’S all black around me. It becomes very difficult to push through suddenly all the time and grasp the hands of the ticking clock tightly so that time can’t be any different. And then it all stops .She hurriedly takes a taxi. It whooshes past me. Surprisingly one door still open. I look around and he’s limped much further ahead too far away for me to call him back.

Love Trilogies. PART I. YOU........

SO hurt,it's hurting.............me,the absence of a certain human voice .........silently wrenching at my heart...purging...........retching,but not emoting...hold me..........will you?sickly sweet..human emotions..no vices..true colours showing now...the fake walls falling apart...funny we all strive for human perfection...but no-one seems to care for what they've left behind.

Twisters,whirlwinds....and eerieness far n wide..the chill...seers through within me..sending me on a trip divine..hopscotch,a dirty pavement the garbage bin and a white piece of chalk.make me dream of life swaying on a sodden hammock.


i remember you as ..you with me..greedy for love..s.c.sir,van gogh....rainy afternoons..the dishevelled look...the bedroom in a disarray...me and you..my losses..your smiles..my grievances..your hippo tee'..my tears..your guitar strings...my nights..your grub club specials..my diamond nosepin..and your ring..my dreams..were once you as a destiny.

My - DELL Vostro 1014 Lappie

My last day, at Friday media office! Feels weird. it was a sanctuary, whilst my bad relationship days, a hideout against all the domestic blows and trivial not so peaceful oncomings. A matter of pride about my meager, 5 - 8 K salary - my first expensive buys, prolific taxi rides, high nosed looks to all the random people who could afford to roam about aimlessly in the oh so busy, office time mornings and spent nice early evenings out! HEHE...I will miss broken heartedly all of that and more. But most of all i will miss you lappie. My shiny, DELL Vostro lappie, which, i hated like i hate everyone when i first meet them, but then melted once i got to know its significance. Lappie, i bid adieu to you, here, and give this blog as an ode to you! You have embraced me when everyone left me alone, you gave me company and showered smiles when others grinned and sneered, you enlightened and educated while others demeaned. I love you, but our sojourn ends here. But know this, dear you, you will always hold a special place in my heart forever!  xoxoxoxo

Does it scare you to realize you are common? Does it makes feel like an oaf. makes you want to run away in to your room and take a deep draw of your cigarette? It makes me scared though. You see all the money, the glam the glitter, the parties, the fancy dinners, the clothes, the cars, yes yes yes! All that money can buy! And let me tell you money can buy just a little bit more than sex, drugs and love, it can buy life! (HAHAHAHA!) And Gandhi wanted non violence! bullshit i say! Is your face all puckered up! Tucking up your leg deep inside your chair? Do it cause that is all you can do all you life! Because you are common! 

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Its a round rain bow coloured circle. We hop in to it and skip out. We put our hands deep into the mesh and bring it out, bits and pieces of glue ish substance keeps stuck on it. mary went to play but she never came back. Guns and floo pwder and romans, They are not odd i tell no they are not. The click, click, click. i write till it goes wrong!

COLORS!

Life has many sorts of colors. Like blue, the colour of the little uniform of the girl scurrying down the sun shine flooded road, yellow like the greasy vomit sprayed near the grubby, dusty and extremely dirty drunken madman lying down on the road. Then there is red, like the thin, from the behind hot and smart looking married woman. The red of her bangles, 'loha' and 'pola' and 'shakha', evident signs of a newly married that i longingly lusted at. Then there is the black of the night which engulfs all your worries, anxiety and deep desires too. There is ofcourse, purple, pink, orange, green the ever effervescent green - ma says it makes your vision better, also i distinctly remember my college years i used walk down the Dhakuria lake road, sometimes hand in hand with someone sometimes alone, how greens seemed enticing, warmed me up, and looked ever welcoming. Then there is ash or a colour very similar to it. The colour of the metal roads, bridges, handles in buses and the window sills. I was used to staring at them till i could look no more. During long bus trips, sometimes while sulking with a cigarette at home. Colours they mean so much to me yet i cannot draw very well. Does it ascertain something?